Swinging

A once blank spot on the truck wall now filled with love of hats, plans, and pictures.

As I sit in the jump seat of our box truck home and rumble down the road listening to the clanging of metal and jingling of mason jars clinking together in our cabinet a wave of gratitude and appreciation for this beautiful moment hits me all at once.

I have been distant from interacting on my blog, feeling pulled to the real world and being fully present in it while also feeling hesitant to share the content I’ve been creating and harboring in my documents. 

I long to reconnect to the voice I have in these passages even if its just a few close friends hearing my thoughts every now and then. To those here, I love you, and appreciate the ability to connect and share from afar :)

To be perfectly honest I’ve begun to realize how deep of mood swings I have often. In no way am I trying to diagnose myself or come to a conclusion or figure out what’s ‘wrong’ with me, I think I’m just finally realizing I feel deeply and fully and all over the place.

I went from feeling deeply frustrated over my taxes in a Maverick gas station parking lot, filing them online for the 5th time to tears of gratitude in my eyes as my boyfriend drives me and our pup down a dusty road singing at the top of his lungs as the evening sun shines in our window warming my cheeks and making the green of the sage bush fields surrounding us gleam. We head towards 3 days of no service, enjoying arts, free time, and the opportunity to tune back into what we love most - connecting in nature. 

Life is such a tumultuous storm of waves. Thee ebb and flow is something I’ve contemplated many times over yet it overwhelms me often. While I can say I have made strides in my ability to whether the storm and can feel myself building the strength to respond intentionally rather than react impulsively, I still get caught up in all the sillly little life things that come my way.

Right now life is uncertain, about as uncertain as it’s been since I left the pipeline of education after college. I have found myself exploring, expanding, and changing wholly as a person the last two years since I graduated in 2023. 

I am back at elements for the time being after some uncertain unemployment seeking different experiences. I know this stability is actually exactly what I needed before the next chapter and am grateful to be brought back to a fulfilling and meaningful place. I am working a different position which has thrown me into discomfort and novelty - something I find imperative if I plan on growing in life - and have been enjoying living in our box truck home - a place I come to and each time I walk in the door am filled with awe at it’s beauty and comfort it has brought me. 

I am planning on staying in Utah at elements until end of august at least. After that I’m unsure what the future holds. I know what I’ve cultivated so far is deeply important to me and will continue to find gratitude for it but I also hope for more adventures, time to myself to reflect on life, and opportunities I’ve always dreamed of taking advantage of before I am ‘too old’. 

So as I approach what’s to come day by day I hope I can stay connected to this platform where I feel fulfilled by being able to express to a few people who care. And as I continue on through the inevitable ups and downs, I hope you do too, knowing the true beauty of an up can only be appreciated in balance with the down. 

With gratitude and gracious love,

Madora