Tiny Perfect Things

I dont even know why this is the title but it just felt right. Take that as you will.

My life is in a bit of chaos right now. I am moving towards a big life shift - leaving my job, stability, and community to go travel abroad. This feels simultaneously terrifying and exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Some people in my life are holding hesitancy for me going on this big adventure, which makes sense. I too am nervous and unsure, doubts and self limiting beliefs plaguing my mind at least a few times a day. Fortunately chaos can offer a special beauty that stability and consistency cannot, and for that I’d like to show gratitude.

The beautiful thing is that I am making this decision with a deep intuitive knowing that it is exactly what I am meant to do. For the past couple years I have been working on building a relationship with my intuition. My gut feeling, the little voice of my higher self, my deeper truth to be uncovered. I have practiced sitting in silence, listening for it. Choosing paths according to the pull I feel. And so far, each time I listen and act in accordance - it works out. When I ignore it and act in opposition - it plagues me continuously until I do something about it. This is just how I’ve been experiencing life, now unable to deny the inner knowing that guides me to the beautiful things I have.

It got me here - the wonderful chapter I’ve lived for the last two years in Utah working wilderness therapy. While I’ve built a place to call home here (habitually a home maker wherever I am), I am now realizing I am not ready to settle into the stability offered here yet. My heart deeply desires to learn, grow, challenge myself. I yearn to listen to others share their stories and to learn greater wisdom. To throw myself into things I can only imagine and see the whole spectrum of people living lives elsewhere. To deny this inner knowing to seek and explore would lead to resentment and distrust with myself.

Part of my healing journey is to create a stable foundation for myself. A foundation of trust and knowing that I can choose a life of fulfillment and truth. That I can do scary things, take big leaps, and either land on my feet or pick myself back up - on my own - if I do not. 

So here I am, choosing change yet still awaiting my precipice (potential energy building up all around me as I research different programs and learning opportunities in countries far away). It’s a funky feeling to have one foot in the door, and one out. It’s been impacting my ability to remain the same version of me everyone around me knows, but I continue to try focusing on the present and embracing the brutal honesty of change. Letting go of the comfort and known is horrifying, yet the grief it has offered me brings such depth of appreciation that I would never know without leaving. Embracing and appreciating the little steps of discomfort and fear that saturate my days leading up to my departure. So thank you to those of you who have heard me and helped to lift me up, encouraging me with sweet words as I do big scary things. And as well to those of you who are patient, trying your best to understand even if it’s hard to see eye to eye with me.

As always I leave you with gratitude. This is more so a little life update than any advice I have to offer yet I hope it inspires you to take risks and follow your heart. Life is so short and the meaning is exactly what you choose to make of it. Make wisely. 

Madora