Growing Pains

Our problems are our learning points. 

Think back on your life. On the hard times, the terrible feelings, the pain and suffering. Think about these moments. Reflect on how you got through them, because if you are reading this today you ultimately did come out the other end alive. 

Somehow you found the ability to wake up morning after morning and make it here. My question for you is, did you learn something along the way?

I hope your answer is yes, as I think we learn something every day. It doesn’t have to be this grand realization that changes your entire life but I think there is something, anything, to gleam from the shit we suffer through.

Most people when you ask them if they would change anything from their lives say no. That the experiences they endured made them who they are today, even the ugliest ones that in the moment they would have prayed to end. From an early age this was my truth, that even the shitty horrible moments that made me want to crawl out of my skin to be anything other than the person facing those horrors had something to add to my life. I believed that surviving those darkest places allowed me to grow from the deep dark dirt of my trauma. Not sure how I came about this realization at the ripe age of 12 but it stands out to me as a defining point in my life. I wasn’t aware of the control I had over my own thoughts or actions yet but what I did understand was that I could take something away from the pain. That there was a way out and that was through recognizing and taking advantage of the situation rather than allowing it to overcome me.

Instead of becoming a victim, I saw how my experience made me wiser, made me stronger, changed my perspective and understanding. Now this might not apply to your situation, but in my experience, digging in the shit until I found a lesson to take from it allowed me to move past ruminating, shaming, and all the what if’s that made me question how my life could be better if those things never happened. Ultimately I will never know what my life could have been without the trauma, but I don’t think I would see the world in the ways I do today.

I don’t think I could point out when a relationship is feeling unhealthy, or recognize how my slump can be overcome by a walk outside, or that people are supposed to come and go in my life and change is a good thing. I think the moments of pain taught me so much more than the moments of ease. And I don’t sit here wishing for struggle or suffering to rule my life like it once did, but I know the downs are inevitable in life. I will lose things, people, myself, experiences, time, love. I will grieve and cry and scream and hurt. So when I hit those moments, I might as well grow from them. Might as well find the meaning. Make it for myself (because I can assure you, it doesn’t just come easy peasy, it is an active creating). It takes work to actively choose to find and create meaning. 

Things are what you make them. Our lives are a reflection of our inner world (says most psychologists ever). Noticing how your inner narrative and beliefs are shaping your outer world is powerful. Building the ability to take an active part in that mental processing and perception is life changing. Training ourselves to see things in different lights or think differently is a true super power, true freedom.

I hope you can reflect back on the trials and tribulations and find the meaning. Find what it might serve to teach you. Allow it to be something you have grown from rather than something that drags you down. Because ultimately you decide what it means for you. You decide if you want to stay the same or change and grow from it. You decide what to do with all the dirt in your life. Plant some flowers and watch them bloom rather than neglecting the dirt filled vacant plots of potential.

With light and love. Choose your truth.