The Pain-Body

Something I’ve been thinking about lately is the pain-body. This is a concept born from Eckhart Tolle, written about in The Power of Now, a book about how to live in the present moment and its power to bring us a life of peace and fulfillment.

The pain-body is described as the accumulated negative energy stored within us. From the current moment and previous experiences of pain and negative emotions (resentment, hatred, self-pity, judgment, guilt, anger, depression, jealousy, irritation). This includes our past experiences in childhood as well. The pain-body is conceptualized by Tolle as a separate entity interacting with us (rather than it being part of our identity) which allows us to separate ourselves from it. In doing so, we prevent ourselves from allowing it to ‘become’ us. When it becomes us, we live predominantly through it - unconsciously. This looks like reinforcing and focusing on the negative in our lives. When viewing it in this way we can see how the pain-body acts as a parasite-like thing, feeding off our emotional and mental states of pain. Pain can only feed on pain. This can look like ruminating on an embarrassing or anxious experience, following the mental spiral of worrying about the future, or dwelling on some negative experience you’ve had. These are reactions to negative experiences that feed the pain-body and keep us living in a state of victimhood.

The tricky thing about this is that no one actually wants to suffer or make their pain worse. We victimize ourselves unconsciously. When we are not consciously aware of the thoughts we’re allowing to take up space in our brain we fall into our harmful but ‘comfortable’ (comfortable because we know them well) negative thought and emotional patterns. It’s easier in the moment to dwell on the problem than actively try to find a solution or change for our current situation. We identify ourselves as being depressed, angry, and scared when in reality these are feelings that come and go - not an essential part of our identity. Separating ourselves from ‘I am depressed’ into ‘I am feeling depressed’ can create space for change - it takes it our of our identity and into a temporary state of being.

When Tolle describes the pain-body it reminds me of another book, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk. In this book how we hold our traumas in our brain and body is broken down. The pain-body parallels trauma in that it is stored within us - cultivated through emotional wounds and scars - and can be triggered or activated when we are thinking about it or something in our current experience reminds us of painful times. Our trauma can have a real impact on how we respond and react to situations - and it often does. Being able to face that fear and conditioned response and then respond differently takes work. Tolle gives us the pain-body as a way to understand it and how to not let it define you.

---

After re-reading about the pain-body this morning I caught myself multiple times, just within a few hours, noticing thoughts or mental judgements that sounded like a pain-body. A few examples include thinking about how I wasn’t as thin as I used to be and don’t look like the girls on social media, how my friend didn’t want to be around me because they were on their phone, and that I wasn’t enough at work. I didn't realize how many negative thoughts were running through my mind until I brought some awareness to them. When I was able to notice them I thought to myself - that’s not true, that’s a misrepresentation of what really is going on. I saw them through the concept of the pain-body. I was leaning into victimhood - seeing the world through a warped lens. Feeding my painbody. When I separated these thoughts from myself I allowed them to be something other than me. I unidentified. My thoughts were the makings of the pain-body. I immediately felt relief seeing them not as me but rather a separate entity that I could choose not to give power and space to.

When dealing with the pain-body or trauma I find this idea of separation to be healthy for me. Realistically I know myself to be a good and kind person. I see the best in a lot and try to live a life from love. Yet when it comes to myself and sometimes others, I can hold judgment and criticism that seems to come from nowhere. With the concept of the pain-body I can now identify insecurities, fears, and traumas that are surfacing when I react to things negatively. Stepping back from that negative state and allowing myself to be an objective (non-judgmental) observer watching the pain-body rather than seeing it as me and identifying with it gives me the power to show myself love and choose to think and act differently. First I notice the thought, then I separate myself from it (I am not my thoughts) being able to identify them as my pain-body activating, then I watch it lose its power as I rewrite the thought with love and compassion. When I empower myself like this I can choose differently. I can look at how wallowing about my insecurity and pain is extremely unhelpful, and act differently. 

To throw some therapy into it there’s a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) skill I use at work called opposite action. When faced with a challenge such as not wanting to get up in the morning or feeling like we want to yell at someone, utilizing opposite action looks like how it sounds - you do the opposite. This requires awareness to know that what you’re doing is unhelpful, but once you are aware of the problem you’re facing, you can recognize the power you have to do the opposite. It’s certainly not easy to resist wanting to yell at someone when you’re upset, but taking opposite action and speaking quietly can drastically change the outcome of the conversation. Becoming an active participant in our actions and choosing to respond rather than react can empower us to steer our lives towards a more helpful and healing track. This tool can be used when negative emotional and behavioral patterns are showing up (and feeding the pain-body).

When I had the negative thoughts about my body this morning that my tummy was bigger than it used to be and that I should feel insecure compared to the girls online I caught myself. My awareness of my thoughts was high that morning but normally these thoughts often fester in my mind and cause me to feel upset without me even noticing. I paused and disputed my belief. This was silly, having a little tummy is completely normal especially when I wasn’t working out like I used to, plus I was healthy and comparing myself to the girls on instagram was unrealistic. In that moment I identified the thought and judgment as my pain-body being active and chose to shut it down and oppose my thoughts with the recognition that I was happy, healthy, and beautiful. I felt the thought become unimportant and leave my mental space. This isn’t to say I’ll never feel insecure about my body again, but in that moment I was grateful not to identify with those negative thought patterns. It felt easier to deal when them when I separated myself from them.

I hope this can help bring some awareness and insight into your day about when your pain-body is showing up and how you can counteract it from taking over. 

I share this with deep gratitude, love, and appreciation for everyone who takes the time to hear my thoughts.

Live thoughtfully,

Paige